sometimes feeling like a lifebuoy to some people it may seem or maybe a "sparetyre" it would be.

always ready to meet people when one says so, isn't it?? i may be a good friend/understanding person/lifebuoy/backup "extra" to anybody but does anyone care how i really feel when one says meetup or whatsoever when one is unreachable at that point of time which left me thinking whether is the meetup still on?? even if i've gotten hold of that person i dont have a firm answer whether it's still on or not which left me stranded not knowing where to go and the person is with someone else because if it's canceled or what a message doesn't kill much, when i'm so wholeheartedly readily for the meetup, being so excited all the time because i know how much i treasure friends and time spent is as precious as well due to personal obligation such as work, friends, family and others.

sometimes i always think maybe people just don't understand the nature of working environment i'm in or maybe they think i'm just exaggerating but no i'm so not exaggerating because i can feel their kind of reaction when i'm telling what kind of working environment i'm in when nobody believes. i mean seriously do i need that.

i know that i'm not that kind of a person who's good at expressing feelings and emotions and always tend to keep it within myself because i don't like the feeling of others worrying for me. i prefer to avoid if anyone's able to read what's in my mind because i'll be so emotionally tied down which i don't want that to happen.

so many things have been running thru' my mind which i cannot get over all these while, not saying now but most of the time i just feel like laughing and crying at the same time thinking maybe i'm a joker who tries so hard to juggle so many things at a time thinking so many "funny" things have happened to me be it happy, sad, misfortune and whatsoever. life is just a joke isn't it??

i really hate myself for being too nice all the time that allows people to take me for granted. a really good laugh at myself finding myself so funny to be in reality. don't you all agree with me.

always prays that nothing happens to anybody close to me if a need to happen let it happen onto me instead of them because i can't see people around me suffering or even minor injuries. i may have presented myself in a "can't be bothered attitude" but deep down i know i care too much which i myself feels so hurt, not wanting others to know what i'm really feeling. aren't i funny??

and thanks to all the people out there making me realise that i'm as good as being a lifebuoy better off than being nothing to anybody. i really appreciate it alot seriously not being sarcastic it may seem.

a really good breakdown is good sometimes..